What do I want (other people to think of me)

This one is a bit more complicated than a simple quotation, because the thing is, I actually do care what people think of me. I want my pupils to think I’m a brilliant teacher. I want my colleagues to think I’m a fabulous musician. I want my children to think I’m a brilliant mummy. I want my friends and family to know how much I love them.

THE ISSUE IS-WHEN WE START MAKING DECISIONS ABOUT OUR OWN LIVES BASED MORE UPON WHAT OTHERS THINK OF US THEN WHAT IS IN OUR OWN HEARTS, THEN THINGS GET TRICKY. THIS IS ESPECIALLY HARD IF YOU ARE A NATURAL BORN PEOPLE PLEASER, AND/OR WERE EXPECTING TO FOLLOW A PARTICULAR PATH OR STRUCTURE TO YOUR LIFE, WHICH YOU WANT TO BREAK FROM.

I had a very rapid ascent in teaching: I was made a Head of a busy Music Department and a Head of Years 10 and 11 in my mid-20s. I was addicted to the thrill of promotion, I was bloody proud of myself and I absolutely loved my job. 

After I had my first daughter I went back to work full time in six months. I still loved my job and I still got the same profound level of satisfaction from it. Did I feel hugely conflicted about missing out on some important time with her? Yes. But I had the holidays, and I knew I wanted to have a second baby.

It was after I had my second child however, that the thought of working full time seemed utterly abhorrent to me-but this brought up some real conflict within my own household and within my own heart. The job I had been called to do was now being shunned so that I can spend more time at playgroups and wiping bottoms… but of course isn’t this a ridiculously diminutive and downright insulting view of what being a mother was?! Yes, at its most tedious time it can seem like that, but I knew that these were only a small, albeit rather base part of the puzzle.

My need to be at home was so much profound than I’d realised - I needed that regular connection to make me happy. I wanted to do more bedtimes, more sorting out the bags for the childminder, more sitting with them and leafing through books and playing with blocks and going to Rhyme Time and having coffee in soft plays while they charged around.

With all this fresh in my mind, just 7 weeks postpartum I sought out a part-time role in teaching and was lucky enough to find one. At the same time I developed my business and ground, coaching women on creativity, confidence and establishing their own businesses (I don’t talk about this much any more but for a year I had an extremely profitable and enjoyable Hypnobirthing business, which I then wound up when I realised I cared more about the coaching thing about the birth!)

Now the children are getting older and I find I want to spend some of the time I’ve been coaching back in the classroom, so have increased my hours accordingly. Power of Mum remains as busy and exciting as ever-I’ve since found that I need to write more often, that my poetry is hugely important to me, that Instagram is the best playground and Pinterest is the best inspiration.

And then there’s my singing. I cannot tell you how many people instructed me that too do it at all I would need to give everything to it-that any other work around it was impossible, and trying to juggle All The Things is ludicrous. 

But here’s the thing-I am no busier than you are, or your sister is, or my best friend is, or that the lady who sits at the welcome desk at Waitrose, or the security guard who always says at Asda (I do a lot of food shopping). 

I’ve just made a really conscious decision to say yes more than to say no, to refuse to limit myself to one job title and to one niche (I know that’s a real buzzword but it makes sense here, doesn’t it),

Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In” got us all thinking about what we mean by “having it all”. Is that what I’m trying to promote here? Just listening to our own voice, ignoring everyone else and going for it all? No- I don’t think that’s what this is. Rather I believe that we need to keep ourselves open and excited about all the different adventures that are available to us. To say yes more than we say no. To be open to failure.

I’ll finish with one of my favourite coaching questions: 

“if time, money and other people’s opinions weren’t factors, what would you want to be doing right now?”

How does that sit with you? And what would you be doing?