Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved…

“Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved.”

When I was a new mother I felt like a lot of parenting was a problem I had to solve:

“When will I have solved the problem of breastfeeding?”

“When will I have solved the problem of getting a good routine in place?”

“When will I ever be able to enjoy -a day without planning it like a military campaign?”

I used to lie in my bed once I’d got the baby down, planning out the next day in my head, imagining the various permutations of the next 24 hours. What might go wrong? What challenges could I face? How could I be prepared for any eventuality? I would feel myself getting increasingly anxious, a sense of dread that I needed to get it all right.

This didn’t stop at the magic six month mark either. With every major milestone, I’d start to feel worried that I might mess this up. That I’d missed the “how to get your kid to be happy with sleeping in their own cot” class, or “how to get your kid to eat their vegetables” workshop.

As someone who prided herself on her organisation in work, as a manager, even at home, I felt like motherhood was another puzzle, and if I could only solve the problem of where to put the pieces I’d have fixed that too.

And then, gradually, I started to breathe a little deeper. I started to relax a little more. I started to realise that my kids didn’t need entertaining, or epic days out, or to only sleep in their cots... they needed me, present, happy, open, relaxed, enjoying the journey. I realised that we were all happier when we responded to our needs in real time: when we cancelled the elaborate National Trust trip if it meant we could just play in the garden and have a nap. Equally some of our best days out have been impromptu trips to the seaside, stopping off at the Co-op to buy a baguette and some strawberries, and washing them down with a sandy icecream.

If you’re reading this and thinking “does that mean she doesn’t give a sausage about planning or consistency” - are you kidding?! I’m a teacher. My life is organised in 40 minute segments... But I do know now that this great motherhood mystery is not a problem I need to solve. It’s a great adventure l, and I’m the hero of the story.

Did you ever feel like this? Do you still? What helped? I’d love to hear from you!