A gentle list of 10 things that make me feel like the “puffed rice” equivalent of Rice Krispies aka “How I let down the sisterhood”
I spend my days raising two strong feminists (my son and daughter, natch), and live with a third brilliant one (the husband). I truly believe women can do anything. And yet, certain tasks still lead to much effing and jeffin’ on my part, and a sinking feeling that I’m not “(wo)man” enough to just “OWN IT.”
As a 21st Century woman I know technically I can do it all... (I mean I just worked out how to code this on my laptop...)
AND YET THE FOLLOWING ALLUDES ME...
1. Getting an actual sweat on trying to get anything out of packaging…this can also involve paper-cuts, the “easy stick-this-sticky-bit-back-over-the-original-bit-if-you-want-to-return-anything” bit from one too many online orders getting wound around my fingers, trying to untangle my wired headphones…and don’t even mention me trying to make a bed. I can never get the duvet in the cover corners without a mini bout of claustrophobia and a sweaty upper lip.
2. I have NO sense of direction. None. I’m famed for it. I even get on buses going in entirely the wrong direction and then think “blimey this is taking a long time - roadworks?” I once took an entire school party the wrong way for fifteen minutes - that was a good way of getting our 10,000 steps.
3. I cannot shut my curtains. I mean COME ON WOMAN. Either one of the curtain hooks pings off or there is a small gap in the middle. I don’t know why. I don’t know why when my husband does it it just closes. I just DON’T GET IT.
4. Every time I sing Aretha “RESPECT” I sing something akin to “RES CEPC... oh bugger it...” I’m not dyslexic. I’m good at learning song lyrics. But when it comes to singing an epic female anthem I can’t manage the refrain.
5. I find parking under pressure QUITE STRESSFUL and have been known to ask for “complete silence” whilst I take a deep breath and off I go...It’s not that I can’t do it. It’s just that I have very little spatial awareness. Often I can NAIL IT, but only after the request for silence and COMPLETE FOCUS.
6. I can’t remember dates. “When was Beethoven born Miss?” “Urm...” . I have been teaching children about Beethoven symphonies for fourteen years, but the dates still just seem to fall out of my head…
7. Ditto for capital cities, parts of Africa, which country is in which continent... .just not good enough, but not for want to trying…
8. Every time I need to change a light bulb I wait until my husband is around and make him do it. God I’m cringing just writing that.
SO those are mine - what are yours?
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None of this prevents me from being an ENTIRELY FABULOUS feminist. They’re just mild disappointments in myself. Should do, could do, will do better.